Interview V

[cailj]

1. Give me the two most significant things that you took away from your time as a Dom-in-training in the northeast, one that applies to BDSM (from either dominant or a submissive perspective), and one that applies to "normal life."

Oh Lord. The one that applies to normal life is easier, because I once wrote a long diatribe on this in the journal I was keeping at the time. There are actually two of them, and they are interrelated. The first is that sometimes you have to be the one willing to walk away, no matter how hard it is and no matter how much it hurts. The second part of that is that you have to be honest about your expectations -- mostly to yourself, but also to the person you are with, be it for an hour, a scene, a day, or a relationship. And if those expectations can't be met by either you or the other person, you either have to modify your expectations or walk away.

The most significant bdsm related thing I learned... Hm. This is actually a tough one, because so many lessons come together in various ways to produce certain important things. I think that, at the end of the day, there are, once again, two important things I learned about bdsm. The first is that, while it's important to have a community for support and education, in the end, bdsm is so profoundly personal that you cannot look at people in the community and expect your experiences and feelings to mimic theirs.

The second is that bdsm does not have to be dramatic. Or psychodramatic. I learned this lesson the hard way. While I loved the training I received, it was all shrouded in psychodrama. Not necessarily because of the man who trained me, but because of the psychodrama that surrounded him. And that filled the scene in general. Psychodrama is for the birds. How can one have a deeply personal, meaningful, intimate experience with another human being when every step of it is clouded with other people's crap? I guess this also really kind of deals with "normal" life.

And, on a more personal level, I learned, about myself, as a Dom /and/ a Sub, that I often work best when there are no safewords. It leads to more pleasurable, meaningful, interesting scenes. :)

2. Tell me about your "first true love".

First /true/ love, huh? William. 11th grade. I met him at a speech competition where we were both competing in the "duet" category. They won first place, we won second place, and my partner was crushing out over his partner, so I went to William and we got the two of them together for lunch. They didn't work out, but William and I were "going steady" about three weeks later. He was troubled and angry and on medication, but he was also sweet and tender and loving. In the end, I was so adamant about being with him forever that I completely gave up who I was in order to convince him to stay with me. Did crazy, stalker girlish kind of things. Eventually he told me to go away. I left for college. About 6 months later we talked. We flirted. We became friends. We're still friends now. But had I ended up with him, life would have gone very different for me, and possible very very bad.

3. Alternate Reality Time. You turned right when you should have turned left. You followed the path that you once thought you should have followed, and you're on a fast-track through the ranks of government. What's missing? What is the biggest thing (and dare I say it, besides D) that would be gone from your life? Try to keep it to a specific experience, or a role in your life past or present. Similarly, what is (possibly) there in that alternate reality that you don't have now, but think you may want?

I am passionate about literature now. Passionate in ways I never was before. If I'd gone the law/politics/languages route I had originally intended, I'm sure I would have money now, but I'd have 1) no time and 2) a lack of passion. Those things are extremely important to me now. As well, I would be much much much more private about my life, and would take many fewer risks, for fear of it influencing what happens in my career. I probably wouldn't have gotten very involved in bdsm, for example. But money is definitely the thing I would like to have from that alternate timeline. :)