Interview, IV

[cailj]

1. You asked me about the wedding, so now its your turn. What is your biggest fear about our future? What is your greatest joy?

I don't have many fears about our future, to be honest. I guess the one that's buried inside, the one I hate to admit I have sometimes, is the fear that at some point you're going to realize how much potential experience you've given up for me, and decide the experiences are more important to you than the relationship. I know where that fear comes from, and you probably do too, and I think it's probably just a tiny fear by now, but it's still there, deep down.

My greatest joy? You. Being with you. Touching you. Feeling you in my arms. Laughing with you, joking with you, waking up next to you... Knowing that, no matter what, I get to have that for the next howevermany years until one or both of us is dead. The joy is overwhelming at times, to the point of tears.

2. I NEVER EVER EVER EVER WANT TO MOVE BACK TO MISSOURI. That being said, what would it take for you to agree to move there should I suddenly go insane and want to go back?

Ugh. Okay, here's the thing... Small town Missouri? No way in hell. No way. Nuh-uh. There's nothing. My compromise would /have/ to involve being in St. Louis. I could live in St. Louis for a while. If, and only if, we either both had really good jobs that made it worthwhile, OR you had enough money that I didn't need to work, and could stay home and write. Those would be the requirements. Oh, and as much as I really do love your family, they'd have to be at least a couple hours away. I can't handle unexpected familial visits.

3. You have given up a lot of things for our relationship. (Smoking being first among them.) All lovey-doveyness aside, what /wouldn't/ you give up?

Heathcliff. The new one can go, though. She ain't too bright anyway. Seriously, though, I wouldn't give up finishing my PhD. I wouldn't give up my career, unless you absolutely had enough money to support me happily, and I wouldn't give up my friends. Especially Bill. But see, here's the thing ... if someone /else/, some supernatural being, made me choose between you and anything... I'd choose you. But if /you/ made me choose, then you're not the person I fell in love with, and so you'd lose the choice.

4. You've had a lot of friends in your life. Other than Bill and myself, who do you consider your closest friend? Your most trustworthy friend? Which friendship do you wish remained closer than it is now?

Who do I wish I remained closer with? Julia. Although we still feel close every time we talk, we know so little about each others' lives these days, and we're so far apart. And then, Elisa, Susan (working on that!)... many many people.

Who is my most trustworthy friend? Besides you and Bill? Hrm. Susan. I trust her pretty implicitly.

My closest besides you and Bill... Psycopath. I thought about this for a while. Because there are a number of people that I'm close to, but Psychopath is really the only one that slightly outleads the pack. Slightly.

5. Is there any part of your life or personality you wish I understood better or knew more about?

If there is, I promise I will fill your head with information until you can't take it any more. :) Seriously, though, there are things that you'll never truly /understand/ about my personality. But you don't /have/ to understand those things. Only know how to deal with them. I don't expect you to understand submission, but I do need you to be able to know what to do with it. Which you've never had any problems with. Ever. :) (Have I mentioned how lucky I am yet? Okay, I'm damn lucky.)

Comments

[vixyish.livejournal.com]

... if someone /else/, some supernatural being, made me choose between you and anything... I'd choose you. But if /you/ made me choose, then you're not the person I fell in love with, and so you'd lose the choice.

That is amazingly, wonderfully well said.