Dec. 15th, 2003

cailj: (Default)
So I've been kicking ass on this weight program. I'm almost up to 20 pounds, and there are very few clothes in my closet that fit right anymore. I have about five pairs of dress slacks and a bazillion skirts, and I can only wear two of the pairs of pants and the skirts will need belts now. The other slacks are just falling off of me and the thighs are too big, so I can't even just belt them, it looks like I'm wearing parachute pants or something.

The fitness part of it is going well too. I'm up to almost 2 miles a day, and right now about 20% of that is jogging and 80% walking. So I'm well on my way to the marathon in April. I'm also starting Tae Bo this week. I wanted to have something to do on the days when I didn't walk, and something to do if I'm visiting someone who doesn't have a tread mill or lives in the snow so that walking outside is no damn fun.

I'm drinking the water I'm supposed to be drinking. This was a big breakthrough for me because I never drank as much water as I was supposed to be drinking. I have about a 45 minute bladder now, but it's also made amazing changes to my inner workings.

So where's the problem? The problem has been that I have not been able to apply this same level of discipline to my dissertation as I have been to my health and fitness. I need to break through the barrier that is keeping me from doing what needs to be done.

When I look at it, I can see some similarities. Part of the reason it took me so long to get serious about my weight loss and fitness had to do with the enormity of it all. I need to lose a lot of weight. More than most of you realize. (Just admitting that is a little painful -- made easier by the fact that I'm in the process of losing it, and I know it will eventually all be gone) So it's a huge thing. It's hard to look at something that big and say "hey, I can do this." I had to break it down to smaller goals and take the first steps needed. For me, the first steps were the South Beach diet.

The dissertation is also a big thing. A huge thing. And everytime I talk to my advisor, I realize it's even bigger. She keeps telling me that the work I'm doing is ground-breaking. That just puts it into my head that this is bigger than I can handle.

But it's /not/ bigger than I can handle. It's just not. But I need to break through that barrier. Hard.

So today I sat down and came up with a schedule. It's rough, but it's realistic. A way to get through the process and be done by the April 2nd deadline. And I realized that it's possible. With the extra energy I have and the on-campus schedule I have, I have lots of time where I need to be in the library and where I'm not doing other things. So I /know/ the time is there.

I feel like I'm in the military. Fitness, healthy living, working out, regimented time schedule ... But if I can do this, then I'm done in 3.5 months.

One page at a time.

But if I turn into a time nazi for the next few months, please forgive me everyone.


cailj: (Default)

February 2006

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